Choice

August 30, 2022

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I never truly understood the importance of the word choice. Thinking that is was just a way of explaining the decision one would make, I put little importance on it. At one point, my partner explained to me that she chooses me every day, above all else, she chooses me. It wasn't until then that I realized how much power that word carried.

There is nothing that she could have said to me that meant more than the 3 simple words, "I Choose You". I have so many regrets when I think about how foolish I was, how I let my shadow take power and cause issues, and how I was afraid. All I had to do was hear her…Truly hear what she was telling me. She chose me over everything else and I wouldn't let that land.

Now I feel the power of those words and long to hear them again knowing exactly what she was saying.

During relationship, we are all faced with challenges. We are presented with opportunities to show-up in a way that is supportive and in integrity, conversely, we have the option to show-up in a way that is destructive, fearful, lacking, not authentic, etc. My ignorance as to what I was feeling and why caused me to show-up in the latter. Due to my self-doubt and attachment style, I did not trust that her love for me was as strong as she said. In my research of attachment styles, I have found that I have been anxious/preoccupied. Many of my behaviors and the way that I have seen things lead back to this attachment style. Most of all are is my sensitivity to changes in the relationship energy (pertaining to me or not), fear of being abandoned, loss of self, and most of all… having a hard time taking the love that is provided. She provided the love I so desperately desired, she chose me, I just couldn’t accept it or believe it.

The great thing about this attachment style is it can be changed from an unhealthy to a healthy range. I have the power to reframe and be more aligned with the values of connection and togetherness with my partner. Too long have I lived in an unhealthy attachment style and not let the love through… This changes NOW!

I do deserve the kind of love that she provided, even though I always didn’t feel worthy. My life can be full and complete. From here on out, I will Let The Love Through, I choose me and given the opportunity, I would choose her too, forever.