Growing trees

September 9, 2022

---

While at dinner the other night, a friend and I were discussing growth and development. We discussed this as an action in solitude, as well as while in relationship. Through the conversation and some research that I have been doing, it was determined that you can definitely grow while in relationship, but you must have a good foundation first. (More about this in another post)

The idea of growing, developing, and becoming strong is something that I have been quite passionate about recently. It was interesting to hear the differing opinions regarding what people feel is necessary to grow and it started a great conversation.

Before my journey, I saw growth as something that is wonderful to do with a partner. Thinking back to the belief that if you don’t grow together, then you grow apart. Well, I would like to tell the world that I was totally wrong in that belief. Growth has to be done independently. What my growth entails is not the same as someone else’s growth will entail, our needs are going to be different at different times. On top of that, if my growth is dependent on someone else growing with me (or vice-versa), then my growth is no longer just about me. Without this growth and development, one cannot be strong, stable and have the skills to show up in the best way possible. They will lose themselves in the process.

Now I see it like this… (You are going to find out... I love analogies) If I were a tree, I need incredibly strong roots because that is the foundation on which everything else is built. I can then become a strong tree that can weather any storm. Continuing with the same metaphor, there must be nourishment to help me continue to grow and remain strong. These are things that I must provide for myself, not rely on others to take care of it for me. Looking back, I see that I was reliant on my partner to provide me with the things that I should have been providing myself. I have incredibly strong roots, however, the more that she would provide, the more I would rely on her to do so. This is not the way to live as a strong, independent tree. I have been working hard to gain the knowledge, tools and ability to provide these things for myself, and I am happy to admit that it feels incredible.

Being independent, strong, healthy and capable feels amazing and I am so happy to now be on the right path. Seeing things with this new perspective is quite liberating and living this way is very fulfilling. This doesn’t mean that I want a life of solitude. My partner already had this all figured out, she is able to nurture herself and grow independently and I know that she always desired for me to understand this and live life this way as well. My aspiration is to be two big beautiful trees, growing individually, while standing together, big, strong, complete and full… Side by side, with some branches intertwined but each with incredibly strong roots. The branches symbolizing all the different parts of our lives, some autonomous while the intertwined symbolize commonalities. And if one day a storm comes, then we would be there for each other, branches holding each other, offering support as needed.

Each day we would grow stronger and stronger, more full, healthier, with deeper roots, more independent branches as we feed our souls and more intertwined branches as well … all while being side-by-side.