Hypnotherapy - Session 2

August 31, 2022

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Today's session was very difficult because we had to try and access the reasons or root causes as to why I have been feeling the way that I do, and why I get triggered by certain things. After going over the list of triggers that I presented, we discussed them a bit. Many feelings that I was experiencing when triggered, pertained to the same causes... lack of control over my life and fear of abandonment. Once the hypnotherapy started, I felt a bit anxious about what might come out and what I would find out. Worried about the unknown origins, but at the same time excited to expose the cause so it can be addressed.

She put me into a state of trance where my entire body was completely relaxed before we began the inner work. Asking me the question of when I can first recall feeling as if I had no control over my life’s direction. Before the session, I was pretty sure it all started when my parents moved us from California to Colorado at age 17. That was the most traumatic experience for me as I had to leave all my friends right before my senior year and my girlfriend, who I was just sure was “the one”. It was devastating to move from a big city, surrounded by everything I knew and loved, to move to a little town that I had not been to in years and years, and knew nothing about.

Before my conscious mind could answer her question, my unconscious mind just blurted out, 6 years old. I felt my breathing change and a sense of bewilderment come over me. I focused on my breathing and relaxed a bit. Her next question asked me to describe where I was and who was around me. Without much hesitation, I told her I was in the car with my parents and sister, six years my elder. “What was happening?” she asked. Explaining that we were in the car moving, my sister and parents were having a good time, singing and I was feeling isolated in the back seat. After a few questions and answers, I realized that I didn’t have friends before we moved, I was always the little brother trying to be friends with the older kids. My parents coached my sister’s soccer team, a boys’ team with kids 6 years older than me, and a baseball team of older kids. I didn’t really fit into any of that. When we moved, it was just another step into some new place where I would feel isolated. I was terrified.

When she reached deeper, she asked me if I could go back and comfort that scared little boy, what would I tell him? I responded with the surface bullshit, I didn’t know what to say, consciously. I said, “You will be alright, your parents are just doing what they think is right for the family.” I knew that was a very surface/conscious response and focused on my breathing again. As she was preparing to move forward, I felt tears start rolling down my temples. I said, “You will be safe”. I have no idea where that came from or why I didn’t feel safe. Tears continued to stream from my eyes as I was seeing this scared little boy’s face in front of me. I just wanted to hug him and hold him. I envisioned holding a gaze with him until I saw him feel relieved. As soon as I saw the relief in his eyes, I too felt better. I felt safe.

Healing our inner-child and the wounds and trauma that they have experienced is critical to our growth and self-realization. This was a huge step in understanding the pain that I have had inside all of these years.

At age 6, when we arrived in California, is where my conscious memories of childhood begin. Before this, I was a scared little boy that was just in survival mode. Living to be accepted by the older kids, yearning for attention, and feeling isolated.

Once the hypnotherapy session was over, I felt weird. Still sad, but also a sense of calm because I was able to feel safe. As if the scared little boy inside of me, was no longer hurting… He knew that he could feel safe that everything would be okay. Addressing that inner-child has allowed the older version of me to feel a sense of calm.

I spent the next little bit of time walking around town, thinking about what just happened and how it was making me feel. Walking past a store window, I saw my reflection. I was standing taller, shoulders back and looking confident. This was not a reflection of myself that I had seen in a long time. This was the man that I have been wanting to be but just kept hitting one road-block after another. I grabbed a bite to eat and enjoyed being in my own company, enjoyed feeling confident and comfortable.