Hypnotherapy - Session 3 (Self-confidence and trust)

September 8, 2022

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It wasn't until diving deeper into my inner self that I realized that one thing that has affected me and the way I've been showing up, is a lack of self-confidence.

This was never a problem in the past, but more recently it has become one. The lack of self-confidence can instill self-doubt, a need for reassurance and a feeling of not being worthy, as well as a lack of self-love. I know that I have experienced these feelings for a multitude of reasons. In the relationship, I constantly felt as if I was not able to be an equal with my partner. Her knowledge of expertise and experience in many of the areas that I was working on was a bit intimidating. I would often try to improve myself and further my knowledge, in an attempt to be able to carry on an intellectual conversation and show up as somebody that had something to contribute. What I failed to realize is that our intellectual intimacy was already incredible because we both came with our own knowledge of different areas. She would love to hear about the things I was learning and the knowledge I was obtaining. I always enjoyed hearing all about her perspective, knowledge and experiences as well. We never had small talk or a dull conversation, every conversation was amazing and fulfilling. I seemed to have lost the confidence that I had something to provide to her, even though this is never a feeling that she imparted to me, it was just a story that I told myself. She was nothing but supportive in my learning and my journey.

During hypnotherapy, I was asked to go back and find three times that I was extremely confident. Two of these times were easy as they pertained to a sporting event I was in, racing cars and playing soccer. I could easily picture myself showing up at the racetrack, being cheered on by fans, having a general feeling of “I got this” no matter what comes my way. The same was true at a soccer match… I had made a name for myself, I was unstoppable, and when I took action, I knew that I was moving with intention and knew exactly what I was doing. The third time was a bit harder for me to reach, it took me a moment before it just popped into my head. It was the day that I met my partner. I was full of self-confidence, walking tall, feeling amazing, and new I had something incredible to offer. When I made eye contact with her, I felt an instant connection and lots of butterflies, but at the same time I knew that this was going to be an incredible night. The energy between us was like nothing I had ever felt before and I was pretty sure she felt it too (later in the relationship she confirmed that she did). This was a feeling that carried on every time I would see her. Somewhere along the line I lost that person and began doubting myself. I lost touch with my inner-self.

The self-doubt and lack of self-confidence (among other life events) has instilled a general lack of trust in people. I let them define me and guide my actions. If I don't feel good enough, then I assume others don't see me as good enough. If I can’t love myself, then how could I expect someone else to love me. If I can't see why someone would love me so much, then I couldn't really trust that it was genuine. Therefore, I would always feel like I needed to become something or someone different... someone that would be exactly what the other person was looking for so that they would always want me around. This lack of feeling worthy would manifest in different ways, none of which I am proud of. I would become possessive, needy, jealous, and controlling. From the outside, looking at the way that I was showing up, I see that the person that others wanted to have around was the confident person that they met and fell in love with in the first place… Not the person that was needy, self-doubting, anxious, and weak. None of these behaviors serve me and I choose to remove them from my life. I choose to live confidently, knowing that I am enough, that I deserve the love that was given and that I have a lot to offer and that those who love me, respect me and that people can be trusted fully. If I see myself as confident, worthy of love, living in abundance, and self-assured, then I can trust that others do as well. This trust is paramount in all aspects of life, especially in relationship.

When I was done with therapy, I went into town, parked my motorcycle and grabbed a smoothie. I pulled out my phone and began to write about my therapy session, when a man came up to me to ask me about my bike. He was very pleasant and we had a great conversation. When we were done chatting, I decided that instead of stuffing my face into my phone and being closed off to opportunities to connect with others, I was going to put my phone away, be more mindful of life that was happening all around me, and be more engaged. After a few minutes, I decided to walk around a bit, check out some local shops and just live in the moment. As I walked around, I smiled at strangers, fed a few stray dogs, visited with some wonderful people, and really lived my life. It felt amazing to be feeling so confident, open and feel the smile come back to my face. I could actually feel my dimples starting to emerge again and I really love that feeling.

Today I learned to get myself confidence back and carry it with me in everything that I do. This is how I choose to approach everything from now on. Not cocky or arrogant by any means, but I know I have a lot to offer, and confident that I'm doing everything that is necessary to better myself. I will be ready for whatever comes my way. I am showing up in the best way possible and will continue to do so.