Masculine / Feminine Energy

August 28, 2022

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In an online course that I have been taking, I have been learning about masculine and feminine energy and how each of us possess both. I used to think that gender was what dictated the energy that we exude. I was way off.

These two energies are a part of our daily lives, in and out of relationship. The yin and yang of life. As this blog pertains to my journey and being in relationship, I will explain what I realized in regards to how I was showing up and what I realize now.

There were clear signs that I was not in my masculine energy often enough. As a matter of fact, I can recall times when my partner told me that she liked something I did, but I was naive and didn't realize what it all meant until now.

I have been showing up with a people pleaser mentality as an aspect of my shadow self, always wanting to do whatever my partner, or whoever else was present, wanted to do. Always needing to be liked, not able speak my truth or say what I think in many situations, lead me to live where I am not being in integrity to who I really am, what I feel and want to say. Those shadow aspects have led to me being more passive, having a more feminine edge in many situations, not being direct or focused. What needs to happen is to integrate my masculine and feminine energies so that I can be in integrity with myself. I can be decisive when I want to and passive when I feel like it, and I can be more detached from outcome. Be in my own frame!

Very often she would ask where I wanted to go for dinner, I would reply that I was good with whatever she wanted. I truly didn't care, but that is not what she was looking for or what she needed in the moment. Although it made no difference to me, she was being in her feminine energy and asking me to be decisive.

I distinctly remember picking her up one day and asking if she had anywhere she needed to be. When she replied "no", I said, "Great... I want to go grab a beer at this little bar and we can visit there." We arrived and before we even ordered drinks, she leaned in and kissed me, then told me that she really liked that I was being this way.

It didn't really sink in at the time but now that I'm learning about energies, I realize that she liked the masculine energy I was exuding. I was firm and decisive, while still caring about her, her needs and life outside of the relationship.

Too many times I was in my feminine energy when it came to the relationship, I didn't balance because I was so concerned with doing whatever she wanted. This forced her to be in her masculine energy when she didn't want to be. This had been a pattern in my life, as a way to make sure everyone else was happy and to make myself likable. If I was just along for the ride, letting others decide what we would do, then they would be happy and love that I was always willing to do what they want.... Right?

Wrong! People want people in their lives that hold their own frame and don't just follow the lead of other's. (Well, not all people... but those are not people I want to surround myself with). I was being passive, yielding and soft. What she was looking for was assertive, initiating and certain.

I gave my power away and just went with whatever. This is not an attractive quality, especially when a woman is looking for an equal partner.

As I write this, I realize that this goes much further than just doing whatever others want to do. I have given up who I am entirely to be the person that I thought others wanted. Certain things come to mind, like asking what my partner would like me to wear when we go out, how she likes my hair, what she would like to watch on TV and so on... I realize now that I was just company in her life and not whole or complete. We started as two lives coming together and being in each other's life, and ended as me doing whatever she would like so I could be included in her life.

Thinking back, this has been a pattern in my life, a behavior that I have adopted to not make waves or cause upsets. However, when I really think about it, I was most happy and most appealing to others when I balanced my energies. I could be my own person and others could be included in that. In fact, others wanted to be included in that as it was more appealing. My vibration was higher and I wasn't giving away my power.

The thing that I am realizing now is that I have spent my life doing the things that others want to do as a way of making them want to spend time with me, accept me, or worse convincing them that what I want is what they want. This was manipulative and the worst type of deceitful controlling behavior. That ends today!

My new reality is that I will vocalize what I want and not give away my power. This doesn't mean that I won't be open to doing what others want, but I won't just leave it up to everyone else.

One of the things that attracted her to me the most was my confidence and the fact that I was my own person with my own life. Somewhere along the lines, I reverted back to the little kid that just needed to be accepted. I gave up the man that had his shit together so that I could try to be whatever she needed, when she needed it. The part that I missed is that she wanted a partner that has his shit together, balanced his masculine and feminine energy, had a life outside of the relationship and chose her every day. (More on Choice in a different post)

If I am being completely honest, my partner made me feel things that I had never felt before; Confident, handsome, powerful, respected, the ability to fully trust, appreciated and truly loved. These feelings were incredible and I suppose that I was so afraid of losing the feelings she brought out in me, that I changed the person I was so that she would always want to be with me and always continue to make me feel this way. I see now that these feelings were always inside of me, she just recognized them, brought them into the light, and reinforced them. As I changed to be what I thought it was that she wanted, I lost all of the features that attracted her to me in the first place. I became complacent, soft, and not complete as I relied on her to provide this.

There has to be a balance in energy that one exudes, this is called the balanced integration. This is where you are whole and complete and the place from where you can show-up for your partner in the way that they will show-up for you. It is where you are supportive, intentional, resilient, open and present. This is the place we should all strive for. It is not fair or acceptable to put it on your partner to provide the energy that they either do not have or force them to always make up for the areas in which you lack.

Your partner is not the Yin to your Yang... You both have your own masculine and feminine energies and you both have your balanced integration. You both come whole and complete and 100%. Without this, you are looking to your partner to complete you, when in all reality you must be complete to be able to truly be an equal partner.